Currently I am 260 days into my sober journey and without doubt I can state that it feels soooo much easier than the first 6 months. I do sometimes feel like I’m on easy street now, but I know that getting cocky has led to many sober downfalls. Wine witch is always there and ready to pounce when your guard is down, but at the moment I am relishing it all.
One of the many reasons for my success is the sober community and their love and compassion throughout my journey. Now I’ve called this my sober community because each of us will experience it in differing ways. I know of people who quit alcohol and haven’t joined any groups or Facebook pages, but for me it was a lifeline into a whole new world of incredible friendships.
Whether you join Alcoholics Anonymous or other sobriety groups where you meet in person, join social media groups, begin your own Instagram page, or connect with friends and family who are sober. Each will give you a confidence you never realised you had and provide the support mechanisms needed to make this long term.
Now as I’ve said many times, I’m not an expert, but as someone who has gone through it themselves and lost a loved one who was clearly lonely and depressed, I would always recommend reaching out for support. When my friend at last admitted her alcoholism, she contacted the doctor who added her to a waiting list, but sadly she died two weeks later. Who knows how long she would have been waiting for the support she badly needed. This is why it helps to take action and look for alternative ways to get advice, and at those darkest moments it’s amazing how a few words of encouragement online can turn you around.
So, What Did I Do?
Good question, I started off with podcasts which gave me a connection to others who had experienced similar things that I had. I’m a huge fan of Sober Awkward but there are many others out there, that one just pushes my giggle button.
Within those podcasts I discovered the ‘Club Soda Together’ community, so I headed over to Facebook and joined. There are many groups and pages on Facebook for sobriety, so try a few and see what you think, because some are more supportive than others. This wonderful group was the key to my early days being a success, because they listened to me complain, get upset, panic and all of the other emotions when you’re coming to terms with going sober. Don’t get me wrong there are plenty of joyous moments too and this is when you’ll feel the warm virtual hug from lots of other Club Soda members spurring you on. I even found myself giving others advice as I progressed in my journey and offering support or congratulations whenever I could. Groups such as this are ideal for the early days, because you will need someone to vent to who understands, cry at times, or even cheer with.
After two weeks, I found my confidence to tell my friends and family on Facebook, and then decided to start a personal Instagram page. Now this was purely about my sober journey and was in no way connected to my personal life. I wanted the freedom to say what I wanted about sobriety and alcohol in general, without comments from people who still drank. This option allows you to not only add your own posts or reels etc about your journey, but you will also follow others and it is through here you can make strong connections. The people I follow post on a regular basis and on my hardest days they remind me why I chose to go sober. But when I’m really struggling, I know they will be there with words of comfort and many times they have called to help me through. It’s crazy how people who are essentially strangers can feel like extended family. There are so many fantastic accounts to follow such as Sober Dave, Walking the Line or Flamingo AF, so just add a few and grow from there.
I would add though that the greatest way to build connections is by interacting with posts, so don’t be afraid to comment and tell people how you’re feeling. The likelihood is we have all felt that way or we still do, but someone may have tips to make things easier.
Then Came the Sober Meet Ups
For the first few months I was quite content just commenting and adding posts on my Insta account and through the Facebook pages. But something happened and I suddenly became closer to one or two people who it turned out lived not too far away from me. This led to one of them arranging a sober meet up at a local café. I arrived not knowing anyone, aside from the daily ‘how are you’ online. Yep, it was nerve wrecking and yes I wished for a glass of wine to make it easier, but the reality of it was I didn’t need it. There was three of us and we all had one huge thing in common, sobriety! The 3 hours just flew by, and another meet up was arranged a month later. I have met up with the group on 3 occasions and each time we’ve had a new person join us. Most of the time I chat with my sober mates more than the people I have known for 20 plus years.
There are so many sober meet up groups all over the country, my advice is to check the Bee Sober page because they tend to have lots of activities arranged. If you’re in the Northwest of England then you can always check out Flamingo AF who are relatively new as I write this, but they’ve arranged some incredible gatherings for sober friends. I recently went to their sober rave in Manchester, which was an incredible experience although I won’t pretend I didn’t feel awkward. But as they say in the Sober Awkward podcasts, ‘feel the awkward, and do it anyway’.
My Conclusion
When I gave up alcohol, I felt like I was giving up my social life but looking back now I have made it more fulfilling. I meet with friends for walks and actually know what’s going on in their lives. But the real addition to my life is my sober friends, because they have given me a strength I didn’t know I had and shown me how beautiful life is without the poison we call alcohol.
Yes, meeting strangers is daunting, but they will all have been through the same experiences (to a degree) as you. They will know what it feels like in those early days which friends and family simply won’t understand.
The greatest joy of my sobriety so far has been the little community I have around me. That is why I feel that if you want to be successful in giving up booze then you have to become vulnerable and open yourself up to others. No one will judge you, how could we, we have all been there to one extend or another and we understand how addictive alcohol truly is.