Currently I am 7 months into my sobriety journey, so as you can imagine I’m a little more into the comfortable stage and less of a newbie. But I can still remember clearly how it felt and you’re probably wondering how on earth you’re going to do this and stick with it.
Now bear in mind I’m not an expert, but there are plenty online and incredible resources such as Alcoholics Anonymous and drink aware.co.uk. But I can give you a few tips which helped me through the early stages, and you can see if any of them help you. If not, then move onto the next one and keep trying.
The Alcohol-Free Drinks
For many in the sober community this can either be triggering or a great support. Some like to drink af versions of their old favourites, where as others stay firmly away in case it is triggering. I know of a sober friend who always drank red wine and now chooses not to drink alcohol free red wine, so instead sticks with af beer. Personally I’m not particularly keen on the wines I’ve tried, but I’m open to recommendations. There are plenty of delicious af beers, fizzy wines like Nozeco, spirits such as gin, and ciders from some of the big brands.
Because I was more in the sober curious category it was easier for me not to drink at home. But I did keep a good stock of af drinks in for whenever I got a craving or felt particularly low with the whole ‘fomo’ thing. When you find alcohol free drinks you like they will make the early days much easier and most of the time they taste exactly the same as the alcoholic version. My other half really enjoys testing out the various af beers, so we’re always on the search for new ones.
Most restaurants or bars will always stock alcohol free cider and beer, but getting alcohol free wine can be a struggle. We have found it doesn’t hurt to ask, and if you like a mocktail then see what your bartender can whip up.
If you’re going to a friend’s house or a party then always take something with you. My first sober wedding I asked the venue if I could take bottles of Nozeco and they kindly said I could. It made me feel part of the celebrations with my glass of fizz and the whole experience was easy.
You will find when you’re out that if you just grab your drinks as per usual, no one tends to notice or question what you’re drinking. A sober friend went all night drinking alcohol free beer and none of their friends realised.
The Sober Community
This may have you going into panics, but honestly don’t worry because no one is here to judge anyone. One of the reasons why I have stayed sober is because of the support from the sober community. In fact, I wish I had known about them sooner, maybe I would have quit earlier and maybe my friend best who died from alcoholism would have made the decision to join me. A lot of their drinking was down to loneliness, so knowing they had people who understood would have made a huge difference.
I don’t know all of the various groups, but I am a part of Flamingo AF on Facebook. It is a closed group so none of your friends or family will know that you have joined, but also you can post anonymously. The group was so kind to me in my early days, when I struggled, got upset with peoples comments and had a myriad of questions. I always felt so strongly supported by everyone who commented and I still do. So, my recommendation is to make this your first port of call, but remember there are lots of smaller groups on Facebook just take a look around and see which you like or maybe follow a few.
My next step was the one which has impacted me the most, and that is setting up an Instagram account specifically for your sober journey. I only told my partner about it and asked them to not follow it because I wanted to remain authentically me. Because it’s a whole new account you can post videos, quotes, messages or pictures of how your journey is going and your feelings about alcoholism and the sober world. The most important part is you will be connecting with others going through the same things, whether they’re new to sobriety, a few months in, or an old hack. Having their knowledge and input is invaluable.
If you’re anything like me, you will start with a few sober friends and then suddenly you’ll have loads of them. They will cheer you on, commiserate when its hard and give you advice when you need it. I look at my sober Instagram page daily because it’s a great reminder of why I am doing what I am doing, and I feel that sense of community and support.
You may also find that you start to private message with certain people who you connect with and that can lead to sober meet ups. Scary I know, the thought of meeting up with a stranger when you’re completely sober. But it is one of the best things I have ever done and currently I have gone to two sober meet ups, and I’m planning to go to more and possibly a sober rave.
Some great sobriety Instagrammers are Drunk Mummy Sober Mummy, Sober in Los Angeles, Sober Flourish, Sober Little Motherred, Walking the Straight Line and Sober Dave. These accounts are the perfect starter, and you can pick new ones you resonate with as you go on.
Quit Literature
If you have done the first two then you’ve made a good start, but one of the most important tools I found in my sober journey was educating myself. Most importantly you want to discover what is alcohol, what it does to your body and why you don’t want to drink it. Then when wine witch (a term used for the voice in your head trying to persuade you to drink) appears, you’ll be ready to tell her to f#ck off and explain to yourself the reasons why alcohol no longer serves you.
One of the best tools I and many others have found useful is quit literature, which is basically books about quitting booze and sobriety. There is plenty to choose from and many of them will come complete with crazy stories about the authors drunken experiences which led to their sober revelation. Within a month of my sobriety, I had a cruise booked which meant I had to explore how I would cope on my first sober vacation. I ordered two books to take with me and they were the Unexpected Joys of Being Sober, Catherine Gray and the Sober Diaries, Clare Pooley. Without these books I think the whole cruise would have been more of a struggle, but I made it through easily with mocktail in hand.
As you explore quit lit you will come to realise that you’re not alone in your experiences. Many other ex-drinkers have the embarrassment and shame from those crazy nights, that they wish to forget. But as you read through their sober journey, you’ll feel bolstered with confidence that you can do it.
Now there are many other books we’d love to read and will do when we have time, but if you’re ready to deep dive quit lit then we’ve heard the following books are also incredible;
- Drink?: The New Science of Alcohol and Your Health by David Nutt
- Quit Like A Woman: The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Culture Obsessed with Alcohol by Holly Whitaker
- Alcohol Explained by William Porter
- The Easy Way for Women to Quit Drinking by Allen Carr
- Blackout by Sarah Hepola
Sober Podcasts
We have to admit we love a good podcast, so the moment we decided the booze had to go then we jumped online to check out who to listen to. There are lots of sobriety podcasts out there, so it really will be a personal preference. But if you like a laugh then we can highly recommend Sober Awkward, which provides meaningful advice, alongside the crazy stories (especially the one where Vic loses a finger). We have also enjoyed Sobriety Unleashed, One for the Road and Alcohol-Free Life. The best part of podcasts is you get to know the hosts and you feel as if they’re friends going through this journey with you.
Sober Awkward has a blog called Cuppa Community, where you can discover interesting articles and post about your experiences, or read about others. Because as much as you will look for support and guidance to help you through, as time goes on you will probably want to offer support to others.
Sobriety Counter Apps
Keeping track of the number of days you have been sober really helps, I know some of you may wonder why; but what can we say, it just does. As each day is ticked off you become increasingly proud of your achievement and you won’t want to lose it. Most apps also provide you with details such as the days and weeks you’ve maintained sobriety, the money you’ve saved and the calories for the health conscious people out there.
We simply googled sobriety app and chose the first one which is called Drink Free Days. But if you prefer something with a little more support then do your research. Some of the more popular options are I am Sober, Sober Grid and Nobu.
Sober Meetings
We wanted to mention this option although in all honesty we know very little about it. We chose not to use Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or attend any meetings. But we are aware of the incredible service they provide, so if it’s something you would consider then please head to their site or give them a call. Most towns and cities have AA meetings available, and you can find out your nearest location by using the search option on their site.
You can also ask your doctor if they are aware of any local sobriety meetings which may not be associated with AA. Although it may seem daunting, by building a community you have the support when you need it and people to celebrate with when you reach a milestone.
As you can see this is more of a practical list for those of you in the early days of sobriety. The big question you should ask yourself is who you want to tell, i.e., are you keeping it quiet or announcing it to the world. I decided after two weeks to tell everyone, because I wanted to be accountable. But that doesn’t mean you have to, just go with what feels right for you. This decision will influence whether you continue with your usual activities such as going to the pub, or you avoid any and all triggers. Our advice would be to stay away from anything you feel uncomfortable with and take time to discover your triggers. That can include seeing an alcoholic drink, life stresses or pressure from friends and family to ‘just have one, it won’t hurt’.
Everyone is so individual and do you know what, that’s ok! We have to go through this our own way, one day at a time. Again, I am not a recovery specialist, a counsellor or medical expert, so it’s wise to seek as much advice as possible during this process to make it last. This is simply a few tools that helped me during my early days and I know it has helped others.